Sunday, December 27, 2015

Adoption!!

TWO exclamation marks on that title because we have TWO adoptions to discuss!! Let me tell you about the first one first.

Little S, who has just been a part of our family for a long time, has had quite the roller coaster. So many stories in this little one's life, and she is only 3. One important milestone of this drama include the termination of her bio parents' rights. The trial only lasted a few hours, and it ended dramatically with an outburst (though not from the bio parents! They were a tad childish during the hearing, but who wouldn't be with so much at stake? And in the end, after the judge had made her ruling, they were pulled together. Not happy, obviously, but mature. I am sure they fell apart later, but in the moment, they really really surpassed my expectations. This wasn't the first time I could site a moment of composure either. There were glimmers throughout the last almost 2 years that S has been
in our home, and I wish they could be those parts of themselves more often, because that part of them is the part that will get to see S again if they can just hold on to it. But I digress...) Their parental rights were terminated, and adoption was finally in sight.


It was scheduled out longer than I would have liked, but her bio parents didn't contest the ruling, which they were in their rights to do, so things moved faster toward adoption than they would have otherwise. (What a gift from them to S!!) During the adoption week especially, S and I talked a lot about her story. I answered questions, we prayed for her bio parents, and we looked at the few pictures I have of them. But how do you explain all of this to a 3 year old, traumatized little girl? As far as she knows, her bio parents didn't know how to make a happy home, so she came to us so she could learn how a happy home works while her bio parents learned how to make a happy home. Then when people tried to teach them how, they wouldn't follow the rules and do what people asked, so they didn't learn how to make a happy, safe place for her. Because they were naughty and wouldn't follow the rules, they got a time out, and now they can't see S because only people who are safe for her get to be around her. That is what she needs to know for now, and the rule of thumb is that foster children/children adopted out of foster care get to know their whole story with no edits by the time they are 12, so she will get more pieces of the story as she grows and has more questions. I know I have said it before, but thank goodness for her extended family that is still a part of her life (as limited as that list may be) because S will have questions that I can't answer, that her bio parents have refused to answer, and angels will still be there to help her. Yay family!!


There was so much to plan for the adoption. Seth and Kai both have blankets I made for them when I was pregnant with them. Seth's is a puff quilt and Kai's is a cross stitch wall hanging blanket. So obviously S needed one also. Hers is bigger than the boys' blankets because she is bigger, and it is her favorite colors. :)

I also have a birthday decoration of all the birthdays of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and siblings of my children. I made it, and I made one for my mother and my mother-in-law also. I had to make extra pieces for all 3 decorations, which was more complicated than it sounds. Lol.


And we scheduled a temple sealing for the same day as the adoption. In our religion, we believe that families should live together forever after we die, not until "death do us part". That is a major purpose of the LDS temples. By being born to us, Seth and Kai are automatically sealed to us forever, but S is not since she wasn't born to us. So we got the extraordinary privilege of going into the temple as a family together, all of us, to be sealed to S. Not many know this, but my parents weren't married in the temple, so my brothers and I weren't automatically sealed to them for time and all eternity when we were born. When I was 3 years old, we went as a family to be sealed. I have such sacred memories of being there. Everyone wears white as a symbol of purity since one has to be living all the laws commanded by God to enter the temple. My mother made me the most angelic, white dress when I was sealed to them at the same age and season that S was sealed to us. So the dress that my mom made me all those years ago fit S perfectly, and she was sealed to us in the same dress that I was sealed to my parents in!! I had to fix a few small things that had happened to it since it is more than two decades old and worn by a toddler, so that also took some time, but the significance of such a heritage in that dress was more than worth it.

And the paperwork took more time than it needed to also, but that's foster care.


So the big day came, and Kai and S had a Christmas concert for the preschool that morning. They were so stinking adorable! They were perfectly little up there, and I loved it. Aunt E, Uncle K, and Cousin E, along with grandma and grandpa, were all in town for the adoption, so they all attended the concert, and I think that made Kai and S feel so special to have so much familial support.

Then we ate, changed clothes, got ready, and headed to the adoption!! The judge and lawyers had to do their technical, lawyer-y thing, and there was so much paperwork, but the air was electric. Everyone was on the edge of their seats, and that is saying something because so many family members and friends were there for this sweet little girl!! She is so loved!! Every single person that showed up just made my heart do a flip. I was so happy to see them all. And in the middle of the court proceedings, SANTA HIMSELF showed up!! And I mean the real Santa: tall, broad, jolly, perfectly long white whiskers, bald head, amazing Santa suit, loving, etc. He called S to him, and she just kept stroking his beard and saying, "You have beards?" (She thinks each chin hair is a beard, so all together they form beards, plural. Lol!) He gave her the cutest pink doggy that she now sleeps with most nights along with the quilt I made for her. When he hugged me, my arms didn't go all the way around him and he towered over me. But the clincher that made me believe in Santa again was this:
He asked Kai what time the kids would go to bed on Christmas Eve. Kai knows they get in bed at 8pm, but trying to earn an extra hour to stay up, he told Santa 9pm. Santa then said, "Hmmm... What if you went to bed at 8pm? I think that would be better." Then turned around and continued on his way. :0 ... I was grinning from ear to ear, and Kai looked like he had just been caught. Since then he has told me a few times that he wasn't sure if he was getting presents or coal in his stocking. LOL!

We hurried home when all was done, ate, and got the kids down for a short nap/quiet time. We rushed to the temple, but the moment we set foot in that sacred building, the rushing just vanished. The kids were too excited to sit still, but they weren't noisy or rude. The whole mood was perfect, and I am honored to be sealed to these 3 perfect angels we call our children. God's trust in me for their care leaves me in awe. So much family, and two very special friends, were there to support us, and again, their wonderful spirits were felt and appreciated. The whole thing was better than I could have hoped for. Kai asked what the stages of life were, so I told him they were these:
baby, toddler, preschooler, kid, teenager, adult, elderly, heavenly.
He pointed to heavenly and told me he can't wait to die and be heavenly. This kid keeps me laughing! We talked about why, and he said it's because he hasn't seen Jesus, and he wants to see Him so much! I believe he felt the Holy Spirit in the temple and his little soul connected with that feeling. But alas, he must wait and grace my life for much longer before he gets to be heavenly. :) But the temple will always be there to remind us of that heavenly feeling. Praise God for that!

And while ALL of this was going on, we were also chosen by some very special people to adopt their child! :D :D :D The expectant mother is due in February, and the expectant father is so supportive and wonderful. They live across the country, so we have only seen them once while we flew there to meet them, but we have talked a few times on the phone, and we really enjoy getting to know them every chance we get. The baby is a girl, so this baby and S will be the best of friends. I just can't wait to meet this precious little girl!

The kids are playing with the great sand we brought back with us from the beach when we went to meet the newest little one's birth parents. I wish the kids could have been there with us to meet them!

The day after S's adoption, so amazing family members threw me a baby shower!! It was a blast. We went to lunch together and then went shopping for baby things. They kept asking me questions like, "Do you want the clear bottles or the pink ones?" And I would yell, "Pink!" This may be my only opportunity to go full girly with a newborn, so this baby will be 100% spoiled. Lucky for S, my need for hairdos and dresses and nail polish will be split between two girls now, so she might get a respite from my girly side. Lol! (Lucky for me, S is all-out girly! She loves that stuff!)

The beautiful birth mom has notoriously small babies, so this girl is going to be LITTLE, and that just makes me happy. It has been too long since I had a teeny tiny one. Maybe this one will stay little just a tad longer for me. :)

We have a crib, a mattress, a double stroller, lots of clothes, a diaper genie, a bouncer, a jumper, a baby bath, etc. etc. and we aren't even close to done yet. We are going to buy the carseat and pack-n-play when we are on the other side of the country while the baby is being born. (I get to be there for the birth if I can make it in time! I want to be there so so so much!) I will have to be there for a while because of the paperwork and such, so it will just be the newborn and me in a foreign state until we are legally allowed to cross state lines. I will treasure that time to no end. Jason will stay back to get the kids settled with grandma and then take a later flight. He will stay with us for a couple days and then fly home to be with grandma and the kiddos and get back to his job. When the baby and I get home, (Flying home by myself with a newborn??? Wish me luck!) Jason will take more days off to just be with all of us as a family. The adoption and sealing in the temple will take place after we are all in Utah together. And I am hoping against hope that this sweet girl can also wear a beautiful, long, white dress that my mother made for me when I was born. Again, it is 3 decades old, so it needs a little loving repair, but there is a chance that BOTH our girls would be sealed to us in dresses made by their grandma! (If she doesn't fit in it for some reason, I may attempt to make one for her, but that depends on time constraints.)

Every blanket I've made for my children has been vastly different from the others:
a puff quilt, a cross stitch blanket, and a type of block quilt.
(I made up the pattern for the last one, so there really isn't a name for it.) So now what type of blanket should I make? I must get sewing soon! I am super excited.

I must write about Christmas, because it was a blast! And we have New Year's, my birthday, Kai's birthday, and Valentine's Day before the due date of the next wonderful angel in our family. How did my life get so full and wonderful? The blessings seem endless.


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