Adoption!!

TWO exclamation marks on that title because we have TWO adoptions to discuss!! Let me tell you about the first one first.

Little S, who has just been a part of our family for a long time, has had quite the roller coaster. So many stories in this little one's life, and she is only 3. One important milestone of this drama include the termination of her bio parents' rights. The trial only lasted a few hours, and it ended dramatically with an outburst (though not from the bio parents! They were a tad childish during the hearing, but who wouldn't be with so much at stake? And in the end, after the judge had made her ruling, they were pulled together. Not happy, obviously, but mature. I am sure they fell apart later, but in the moment, they really really surpassed my expectations. This wasn't the first time I could site a moment of composure either. There were glimmers throughout the last almost 2 years that S has been

April? What's April?

So... April was crazy. Like, out of this world crazy. The last day of April Jason and I looked at each other and literally said things like, "Wait... what? How did it get to be the last day of April?!?" Let me explain (with some cute pictures thrown in for good measure!)

COURT
We had the permanency hearing for S's case through foster care. It was scheduled for a Wednesday. There was family from our side and from S's side who had driven in from out of state to be here for the court hearing because it is the biggest hearing in the foster care process (at least in this case for us).

Grandma and S talking about what's important: jewelry!
I am so glad she and grandpa came into town to support all of us.

I'm back!

Two months. So this will be a picture update of the minor events between Christmas and now. And then I will update on the bigger events. :) These are totally out of order. Lol!

We went to the dinosaur museum! The kids love this place, and it's super educational. (As a sidenote, I've started saying the word "super" way too much. It's a habit I'm trying to drop. I've come up with "uber" and "very" as good replacements.)

Sealings

So last week was the endowments for Aunt J and Uncle S. This week they got sealed! :D

This is Aunt J and Uncle S with their younger son's family.

I told you about endowments, so here is my brief explanation of sealings. When two people are sealed together, it means their marriage is for "time and for all eternity" instead of just "until death do us part". When children are born to two people that are already sealed, they are automatically counted as being sealed to their parents. This is called being "born into the covenant". If the parents are not sealed already when a child is born, they must go to the temple with that child to be sealed together, making their family an eternal family. That was my case. My earliest memories are of being in the temple with my family as we were sealed together. What a wonderful way to start remembering life, right?

Back in action

After having spring break last week, it feels strange to be back into a routine now: school, soccer, gymnastics, etc. I talked to Seth's soccer coach because we have a game on Saturday and I hadn't heard anything about practices. Well, she's super bogged down right now, so I'm the new coach! It's pretty strange to be the actual coach (and not just helping out,) but it will be a blast also. We had our first practice today, and those littlies were adorable.

Kai was super sick this morning.

Spring Break

It has officially begun! Wait... It's half over. It goes so fast!

We did some cleaning on Monday but mostly just hung around. It was nice to start off the week with a restful day.

UACs Adoption Conference, part 3 (Day 2)

Class #4: Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders
We have a nephew with FAS, so this class was very interesting. The lady went over some basics of what the cause is, the symptoms, the span it can take, etc. Jason asked a question, so the lady gave him some book beads while she said, "I know no one reads actual books anymore, but..." Before she finished her sentence, I had pulled out my book and replaced the band-aid I was using as a book mark with my adorable new book beads! 

Out of all the disorders we had to say yes or no to while filling out paperwork for adoption and foster care, this is one that we really talked about a lot. Filling out those papers was so difficult. How do you say no to any child in need? On the other hand, we have two sons at home, so anything that would hurt them (communicable diseases, violence, etc.) had to be out of the question. There were so many things to consider.

Class #5: Ethics and Post-Placement Agreements
This class was controversial, but I didn't know that until we were at lunch. I thought it was great.  We talked about sticking to your word, more or less. Who would argue that? With Jason and I being incredibly honest people, I saw this class as a simple reminder of what we should ALL be doing--being honest with each other before and after placement. I would never want to get a baby by lying. Jason and I really want to have a good relationship with the Birth Parents of our future child, and that can't start with a lie.

UACs Adoption Conference, part 2 (Day 1)

Class #1: Opening a Closed Adoption

There were both Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents at this one. And the two perspectives really added to the conversation. I loved being in there with both groups and feeling the bond the groups had together. Most people in the room didn't say enough to reveal which side of the conversation they fell on, but some did. One girl was obviously a Birth Parent from her comments, and I got to talk to her briefly in the next class, which was awesome, because I really felt like she had a lot of wisdom to share. I'll tell about our conversation later.

This class doesn't apply to us now, but I felt as though it might if we lose contact with our future Birth Parents one day. We know that life gets REALLY busy as it moves along, so we know contact from the Birth Parents end may change from time to time; we might be best friends one year as we live close together and hardly be in contact the next year as the Birth Parent works hard to hold down a job and graduate from high school or college. And that's okay! Life happens! But I wanted to know exactly how to NOT lose contact and exactly how to say things honestly without offending. I would really hate to say something in my ignorance that offends. That's what I was trying to avoid by attending this class.

UACs Adoption Conference, part 1

What to say... I was so humbled by this experience, which honestly isn't what I had expected going in. So what had I expected? Information, lots and lots of information. And I got that, and so much more. I've thought a lot about what to write in this post and how to write it, and I'm still not sure.

First of all, God is amazing. He let everything work out so Jason and I were able to go to this thing together. And so much thanks to the friend that took our boys for two days. We couldn't have done it without her.

So Jason and I show up and find out that they have a gluten free lunch option that we weren't informed of. And everyone was so ready and willing to help out and make sure the chef was able to get us some gluten free food. From the get-go, we were astonished at the camaraderie and helpfulness everyone showed. We had obviously just walked into a very special club of people. And we had only just arrived.

Today was better than yesterday!

So yesterday was crazy. It was not my favorite day. I backed into a CAR today, and it was still better than yesterday. That says something.

One good thing did happen yesterday though. Ya ready? We have an RFC (resource family consultant) through DCFS (department of child and family services) for foster care! :D We've been absolutely, 100% approved to be foster parents. This is part of our initiative to expand our family, and we know it's the right thing to do for us. We don't really care if the child that joins our family isn't an infant. (Though for our children's sake, we won't take in kids older than Seth.) And we would be honored to help a child that needs a stable home. The thought of the suffering inflicted on children in our world today literally brings tears to my eyes. "If you have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me." It's been a crazy process (which I should probably post about sometime) but it's all been worth it. We have a meeting with our RFC in about 2 weeks just to get to know her and so she can get to know us.

So on to today! I loved this day. Because yesterday was horrendous and because Jason wasn't around much, I took it easy today. The kids and I did extra cuddle and reading time. I chose easy-peasy projects to do with them. I started watching Wreck-It Ralph while I folded laundry, and when I was done, I cuddled with the boys while we finished the movie. Instead of struggling to get Kai to take a nap today, I let him do quiet time with Seth. I even took them upstairs a little early so we could read a couple of books before bedtime. And it's a good thing I did, because Seth started complaining of a tummy ache, so it was good to have a few quiet moments as that started plaguing him.

Updates

Service on Sunday:
The PB&J service we were going to do on Sunday has been cancelled. :( They moved it to the 30th of this month. I really hope we can make it that day...

Food on Wednesday:
Wednesday was CRAZY! But we got everything done that we needed to do, including making food for the Expectant Parent Meeting we'd volunteered for. We ended up making individual strawberry shortcakes with whip cream and extra strawberries to go on top, my famous no-bake cookies, and some homemade mints. My cookies weren't as good as usual due to Kai screaming and crying at me while I made them, but most of the food was gone when we went to pick up the dishes, so it must have still been pretty good. When we dropped the food off, we were able to see our caseworker, which was great. And our boys were really excited to know they were helping ladies that were going to have babies. They are pretty excited any time babies are mentioned. It's really cute. Jason was able to take off an hour from work to help me drop of the food, which was a huge relief! I love that he works from home and is usually available for things like this. And I love his willingness to pitch in!

Adoption Conference:

I got my ticket!

The Annual Adoption Spring Conference put on by the Utah Adoption Council is happening next week, and I haven't been able to get things to work out so far. I can't figure out babysitting for the kids during the day, I can't get a hold of my friend who is also looking to adopt and who I was going to go with, etc.

But I am riding on faith. So I bought my ticket anyway, knowing the Lord will make it work out if it's supposed to.

So I talked to Jason, and here's the plan:

St. Paddy and some service

Happy St. Patrick's Day! This isn't a big holiday for us. We put on some green clothes and eat green eggs and ham for one of the meals. That's about it. Lol! I took a picture of the green eggs and ham, but it didn't look too appetizing, so I won't post it here. Those leprechauns did a good job dying our eggs and milk green though! The little ones were pretty put off by it, and they won't drink the milk unless it is in a sippy cup so they can't see it. Funny boys!

Today I was able to sign up for a couple of service opportunities that I am excited about!

First, I found out today that I get to take treats/snacks in to the expectant parent meeting in American Fork. What do I bring?!? Do they want salty? Sweet? More of a meal? Something original? Something normal, like chocolate chip cookies? Jason and I have been brainstorming for the last hour or two (about as long as we've known we were doing this tomorrow) and we aren't quite sure which direction to take it. I know I'll be doing it again in the future, so this isn't the only opportunity. Some ideas we've had are:

The weekend

Yesterday we went to the home show at UVU. It was fun, as always. We always get free tickets and go. Jason and I love it because we get some good ideas and some good information. We love doing projects to improve the house. (See the blog post entitled "Yay! They're back!" to see Jason's latest project.) The kids love it because there is candy everywhere and a bouncy house. (The kids don't get a lot of candy usually.)

Our Profile Is LIVE! :D

It happened! This is a HUGE step, probably the biggest one yet. Our profile is officially live on http://itsaboutlove.org so you can search by our names and state (Jason and Ashley in Utah) or you can search by our profile ID (30342624).

Go to the website
click "adoption"
click "browse available families"
continue as a guest
click "find a profile by ID or names"
type in the info and hit enter

Here is a direct link to our profile: https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/30342624/ourMessage.jsf
Our caseworker has been a huge help. I'm so glad she's been there for us. There is no way to express how excited we are. I know it could still be a VERY long time before anything more happens, but at least the potential is there in one more way, a big way. There isn't one ounce of me that is nervous. These jitters are all excitement for sure! I think about it every 5 minutes or so. :) Let the wait begin!

Also, Jason added a fun picture slider to this blog, so go click through some pictures! (On the right side of the blog.)

It's coming!

There are a lot of steps in the adoption process for a couple hoping to adopt. It starts with a realization that you won't be increasing the number of people in your family without some outside help. Luckily, we got to skip the roller coaster ride that is fertility treatments, since that isn't our problem. We never even tried to have another child, because we knew how bad that would be for my body. We prayed about it, but the Lord knows what is best, and he knows that we are supposed to be taking other avenues besides getting pregnant.

So then there is that first meeting, the introduction to adoption. Our first meeting was the first week in June. It seems like ages ago. Again, we were lucky; we knew right away that adoption was what we wanted. There wasn't a question about it after that first meeting. I think it helped that Jason and I have discussed "when we adopt" since before we had our first child. I've just watched it bless so many people, parents and children alike. I wanted to join this awesome club that I had witnessed from the outside. Not to say it is easy or right for everyone, but I know it's right for me.

Breathe.

Yes, it's been awhile since I posted last. Things got crazy, both in our personal lives and with adoption. But we're back! :D (This post may seem a little disjointed as I go. I'm trying to post about all the things that I found fun or exciting in the last 3 months that I won't be writing a whole blog post on later.)

We had our home inspection today which was exciting and nerve wracking. It was all very laid back and easy, so I don't know what I was nervous about. We did have to step around a huge cardboard fort though to show our caseworker one of the rooms in our house. Yes, we built a huge cardboard fort.

It was fun, and the kids loved it.

Almost Halloween!

Seth had his last soccer practice and his last game. He'll start up again in April, and we'll have to find another activity for him until then. Back to gymnastics maybe? Hmmm...

Wow... 6 days, huh?

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I wrote. Things have been crazy. I finished proofreading one book just in time to start the next, and that's when Kai and I both started throwing up. It lasted for 72 hours. That's a lot of lost proofreading time. I went to the Relief Society General meeting and was uplifted. And our individual interviews with our adoption caseworker got cancelled, so we have those this week. But we did do some fun things this week!

We went to a restaurant and there was a balloon lady there! 

Look at the concentration on their faces. They were excited for those balloons!

I love their faces here, too. Lovin' that pizza!

Bully

Yesterday we made it all the way through Stake Conference for the first time in a couple years! Hurray for us! I got feeling nauseated last night, and Kai started puking tonight. :( Poor kiddo. He was such a trooper through the whole thing. Seth went to school and passed off another book. The most exciting thing today was getting an email from our caseworker to set up our personal interviews! Woohoo!

We haven't done much because of the sickness going around though, and I haven't taken pictures either. Because we've been so boring lately, I thought I'd do a different kind of post today.


Jason and I were watching a reality television program. One of the main people turned to another main person on the show and said, "You're being a bully!" That person responded, "If I'm bullying them, it's because they deserve it!" And that is where my mind started turning. I don't think I could even tell you what happened the rest of the show.

Does anyone deserve to be bullied? In any circumstance? My answer would be no. In the 24 hours since that TV show, I haven't thought of one instance where someone deserves to be bullied. There are laws and natural consequences in place when someone does something wrong. (And that's not even mentioning the consequences that come after this life if we have chosen to purposely live a life contrary to Heavenly Father's commandments.) But is any of it up to me? No. And thank goodness! I don't want to have to call the shots. But bullying someone is different. To me, the term "bullying" means degrading someone because of a different preference or choice from your own. Degrading. I hope I have never degraded someone. If I have, I sincerely hope they know that it wasn't intentional.